Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

We’re Number Eleven! We’re Number Eleven! Woohoo! *Open Thread*

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

Well, at least according to Newsweek, that is. Yes, the brain trust at Newsweek have decided that the US ranks eleventh in the world.

Why? Well, I bet you can guess if you think about it for a minute. Give up? This headline by Brent Baker at Newsbusters will make it clear, “Newsweek Ranks U.S. the 11th ‘Best Country’ – Bush’s Fault, Obama Can Stem The Tide.” Yep, it’s all Bush’s fault, but Obama the Messiah can right this listing ship:

Newsweek, recently sold for one dollar by the Washington Post Company but still in its hands, ranked the United States 11th, just behind Denmark, in this week’s “The Best Countries in the World” cover story which put Finland at #1, followed by Switzerland and Sweden. There’s hope for improvement, however, thanks to George W. Bush’s departure from the White House and Barack Obama’s arrival. Michael Hirsh explained the beyond the top ten rank:

America hasn’t recovered from the serious blows to its stature delivered by nearly a decade of policy debacles. As Obama never tires of reminding the American public…he inherited a Herculean task: the Augean-stable-size mess left behind by George W. Bush.


The August 23 & 30 two-week edition cover story package certainly reflected Obama’s policy agenda. A sidebar (apparently not online) on the nations with the best health care, which put Japan at the top, touted fourth-best Spain where “universal coverage is a constitutionally guaranteed right, and there are no out-of-pocket expenses aside from some prescription drugs.” The U.S. wasn’t even one of the top ten countries listed (the full list online has the U.S. at #26 in health, tied with the Czech Republic and Chile and behind Slovenia.) [snip] (Click here to read the rest.)

Blech. Seriously, these people need to put down the Hopium pipe, and you know they’re on it. How else to explain selling a magazine for a BUCK? I mean, I know things are tight right now, but c’mon! Ahem.

Perhaps it would interest the authors of this piece to learn that Bush is actually more popular in some major “frontline” districts than their Revered One. It seems those areas are ones of great concern to Democrats since they currently hold the seats there. Oops!

But back to being Number 11 – woohoo, celebrate, woot, woot! I’ll let Stephen Colbert have the last word on this (again), and Newsweek, too:

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Newsweek Ranks the World’s Best Countries
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Maxing Out The Race Card? **Open Thread**

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

Two prominent members of the House of Representatives, Charlie Rangel, and Maxine Waters, are both facing a number of Ethics charges. Both are fighting these charges, and Rep. Waters has also intimated these charges are based on race, not any wrong doing on her part. Yeah. Okay.

I am sure it will not surprise you to learn that when the shoe was on the other foot, a Republican being charged with Ethics charges some time ago, Waters was all too ready to pile on.

Now the shoe is on the other foot, as Bill Hemmer discusses with NPR and Fox contributor, Juan Williams in this clip below:

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com

So, Rep. Rangel made a 37-minute long speech about his mistreatment by the House. Oh, woe is me, right Charlie? I thought Stephen Hayes made some good points about Rep. Rangel in the discussion below near the end:

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com

Sorry, Charlie, many of us are not buying what you are selling, especially in terms of that half a million…

Well, I reckon we’ll see soon enough what will come of these two trials, though Rangel is right – don’t leave him swinging in the wind. Put him on trial now, or expel him. Go for it. Any day now.

As for the race card Rep. Waters has used, and will be using, I think we all knew that was going to happen during one (or both) of these trials. So, when I happened to catch the following Larry Wilmore segment on Rangel and Waters with on The Daily Show, I was laughing my, um, head, off:

<td style='padding:2px 1px 0px 5px;' colspan='2'Race Card Is Maxed Out
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Hilarious, right? I thought so. The race card has been maxed out. Oh, if only that was true…

Consider this an Open Thread. Discuss this or anything else going on.

Defense Secretary Gates To Gays, “Stay In The Closet!” OPEN THREAD

Sunday, May 2nd, 2010

The military policy, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” has been in the news a good bit of late, including a recent story that some Democrats do not want to wait for the study Obama proposed to conclude December 1, conveniently after the election.

Well, they might as well stop trying. This story just out (h/t to Sowsear), Military Tells Congress To Keep Gay Ban For Now. Well, that headline pretty much says it all, but here is the justification:

Senior Pentagon leaders on Friday warned Congress not to tamper with the ban on gays serving openly in the military until they can come up with a plan for dealing with potential opposition in the ranks.

In a strongly worded letter obtained by The Associated Press, Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen told the House Armed Services Committee that forcing policy changes on the military before it’s ready would be a mistake.

“Our military must be afforded the opportunity to inform us of their concerns, insights and suggestions if we are to carry out this change successfully,” Gates and Mullen wrote to the panel’s chairman, Missouri Democrat Ike Skelton.

Gay rights advocates want an immediate freeze on military firings of openly gay service members, and some senior Democratic senators have said they want to offer such a bill. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on Friday said the Obama administration should suspend enforcement of the law until the Defense Department completes its study and Congress can act to change it.

But other lawmakers, including Skelton, have said they are uneasy about lifting the ban and don’t want to act before the force is ready.

The letter provides Skelton and other unsettled Democrats political cover not to press the issue until after this year’s midterm elections. Earlier this week, Skelton asked Gates in a letter to outline his views as the House committee prepares the 2011 defense authorization bill.

President Barack Obama has said the 1993 law, known as “don’t ask, don’t tell,” unfairly punishes patriotic Americans and asked Congress to repeal it.

In a statement released late Friday, White House spokesman Tommy Vietor said Obama’s commitment to repealing the law remains “unequivocal” and that Obama “is committed to getting this done both soon and right.”

First of all, how insulting is it that the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs do not think our military is as capable of serving alongside openly gay people as the UK, or Israel, or a host of other countries??

Second of all, nice political cover for the Democrats, especially Obama. It is disingenuous for the White House to claim Obama really, really wants to change this law. If he wanted to, he already would have. And, considering his Justice Department lent their hefty support to keeping “DADT” using outdated quotes from Colin Powell that even HE doesn’t agree with anymore, it just makes this laughable. Or would, if it wasn’t people’s lives and service at stake.

This is also a bit hard for me to believe:

Gates says he supports lifting the ban but wants to survey the troops first on how it should be done. He has ordered a study by Dec. 1 that will look at whether housing arrangements would have to be altered and gay partners would be allowed military benefits.

If Congress acts before then, “it would send a very damaging message to our men and women in uniform that in essence their views, concerns and perspectives do not matter,” he and Mullen wrote to Skelton.

The letter prompted immediate protests from gay rights groups.

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, said that if Congress doesn’t act this year it would send the message to gay troops that “the impact on them and their families does not matter to the military leadership, including their commander in chief.”

This is one reason why I left the HRC – the belief by people like Solmonese that, despite all evidence to the contrary, Obama gives a damn about GLBT people. Wake the hell up already, Joe – ask Donnie McClurkin or James Meeks what Obama REALLY thinks of us. Sheesh.

Doesn’t it just gripe you when people continue to believe promises made with absolutely NO basis? Does me.

And here’s the part where they bascially call our military personnel a bunch of homophobes:

Defense officials hope the protracted timeline will also help troops adjust to the idea of serving with openly gay colleagues before they have to accept the change.

Sen. Carl Levin, the Michigan Democrat who heads the Senate Armed Services Committee, is expected to propose in the 2011 defense authorization bill a moratorium on gay firings in the military.

In the House, Rep. Patrick Murphy, D-Pa., is considered the most likely to offer the legislation.

Just more bullshit from this White House and those who serve it. More broken promises. More, “Hey, I really WANT to do it, but gee – I’m just the president, what do you want from me?” Spare me.

The only acceptable justification for NOT allowing gays to serve in the military comes from The Onion (that’s your alert that this is SATIRE):

Hey, if I’m not laughing about this, I’m crying, especially when I think of all those who have served proudly, wish to do so, but have been dismissed. I’m just shaking my head in disbelief. How about you?

This is an OPEN THREAD. Discuss this, or whatever else is on your mind today!

OffShore Drilling? Bring It On!

Saturday, April 3rd, 2010

I caught this commentary earlier, and thought it seemed like perfect Friday night fare. And it is so in keeping with the “shrug of the shoulder” mentality of Obama’s supporters whenever he does a major flip or flop, and he has done plenty. And he did another big one just this week on Offshore Drilling. So, when I saw this piece, Rick Horowitz: Obama Says “Offshore It!” We’re All For It!, I just had to share it with you.

But first, remember this?



Oh, yeah. See if any of this sounds familiar from the mouths of Obamaphiles:

Have we mentioned lately how much we like offshore drilling? Lots more than you might have remembered — that’s how much all of us here at All Things Obama like offshore drilling. If we haven’t managed to work our positive feelings about offshore drilling into the conversation over the past few months (or even the past few years), we hope you’ll forgive us. It must have just slipped our mind, with all the excitement about Barack Obama running for the White House, and then actually winning the White House. There were so many other exciting Barack Obama topics to talk about, we just never got around to sharing our feelings about this one particular issue.

These are our feelings: We think it’s a swell idea. To be perfectly honest about it, if you’d asked us about offshore drilling a couple of years ago — or even a couple of days ago — we probably wouldn’t have been able to put our positive feelings into words. At least, not into words that most people would have heard as truly positive. The words that most likely would have stood out — to most people, anyway — would have been the words about oil spills, or the hazards to precious wildlife, or the risk of polluting beautiful beaches, or even the threat of permanent environmental damage. And we probably would have said a few words that sounded particularly churlish about the kind of energy policy you get when you put two former energy execs — those would have been George Bush and Dick Cheney, of course — in charge of things. Of course Bush and Cheney want to drill, we might have said. They always want to drill. Anyway, that’s how most people would have interpreted our comments a couple of years ago — or even a couple of days ago. Which is why we’re taking this opportunity to clarify our thinking. To let you know that deep down inside, we’re really OK with offshore drilling — even expanded offshore drilling — and that we’ve been really OK with it since at least Wednesday afternoon, which just happens to be when we heard that Barack Obama was OK with it.

Ohmygosh – how much does this sound JUST like the Obots with whom we have to contend on a daily basis?? They way they can twist themselves up trying to defend Obama’s most recent “change” would lead one to believe they work in a pretzel factory, or should, if they were still hiring, that is. There’s more twisting to be done:

Were we caught off guard when the president made his announcement? Maybe a little bit. Some of us here at All Things Obama had somehow been under the impression that the president had a somewhat different view of the matter, and that his view on expanded offshore drilling could best be summed up as follows: No way. No how. Accordingly, some of us had adopted a quite similar view, and we were only too happy to point out the many dangers, and the minimal benefits, that expanded offshore drilling would produce.

But once the president clarified his thinking — that is, once the president announced on Wednesday that he wanted to go ahead with expanded offshore drilling — we were only too happy to point out what a wonderful thing this would be. We’re also happy to point out how carefully nuanced and deeply reasoned the president’s decision was — not to mention how judicious it was, and even how politically savvy it was. All in all, in fact, we have no hesitation in saying that Barack Obama made exactly the right decision, for exactly the right reasons, and that we’re totally on board — unless, of course, he should decide to change his mind, in which case that will be exactly the right decision, for exactly the right reasons. We await further instructions (emphasis mine). (Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com)

“We await further instructions.” Ahahahahaha!! You KNOW that’s true! They all come here saying the exact same thing on a given topic, and no matter how many facts are laid out in black and white, they refuse to acknowledge it. They can’t, you see, because their instructions are VERY clear. No matter how convoluted an Obama position is, they MUST defend it no matter what.

Oh, dear – this cracked me up. I just had to share it with you. Talk about this, or whatever else is on your minds!

An Accountant’s Life Is Not a Lot Of Fun (from Pirates in Pinafores, a G&S pastiche)

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Since my last stab at a Gilbert and Sullivan pastiche – “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Intellectual” – seemed to have been enjoyed by a lot of people here on NQ and on my Youtube channel, I thought I would share one of my latest efforts.

This time there is no video involved, however. This is a special preview for NQ readers only. It is a scene from “Pirates in Pinafores: A Gilbert and Sullivan Pastiche”, which features the most popular G&S music (mainly with new lyrics from me) from seven of their shows, all wrapped up in a semi-modern story about love, duty and corporate intrigue. It was partly the reception I got here on NQ and on Youtube to “Modern Intellectual” that inspired me to do a whole show. The final show has 25 songs and two reprises that most people will recognize.

(One of the reasons I haven’t been doing much on NQ or Youtube lately is because I have been too busy with this project and dealing with new interest in my other stage musicals.)

The song in the scene I am printing below is sung by three accountants who work for the Pieman of Penzance (also known as the Franchise King), who has built up a huge fortune with his pie franchise.

SONG 4: AN ACCOUNTANT’S LIFE IS NOT A LOT OF FUN
to the tune of “A Policeman’s Lot Is Not a Happy One” from “Pirates of Penzance”)

ACCOUNTANT 1:
I am Alistair McDuff the chief accountant

CHORUS
Number cruncher

ACCOUNTANTS 2 and 3
And we are his assistants, Keith and Ron

CHORUS
Keith and Ron

ACCOUNTANTS
It’s our job to take good care of all finances

CHORUS
All finances

ACCOUNTANTS
And make sure our number crunching’s never wrong

CHORUS
God forbid

ACCOUNTANTS
But there’s no joy in being an accountant

CHORUS
No excitement

ACCOUNTANTS
For nobody ever thinks of us as fun

CHORUS
Dull as dirt
(ALL YAWN)

ACCOUNTANTS
No-one ever thinks of us as hot and sexy

CHORUS
Never sexy!

ACCOUNTANTS
We always seem so dull to ev’ryone

ALL
It’s not nice when ev’rybody thinks you’re dull
and no fun
An accountant’s lot is not a jolly one
Not a jot

ACCOUNTANTS
But you’ll find in private life we’re quite eccentric

CHORUS:
You? Eccentric?

ACCOUNTANTS
If you knew what we got up to you would say
That you never would have thought that an accountant
Could behave in such a nonconformist way

CHORUS
There’s no way

ACCOUNTANT 1:
In my private life I am an outlaw biker

CHORUS
Who’d have thought it?

ACCOUNTANT 1
At weekends I wear leather ev’ry day

CHORUS
Ev’ry day?

ACCOUNTANT
I ride my Harley with such wild abandon
I scare the pants off all who come my way

ACCOUNTANT 2
At weekends I become a secret nudist

CHORUS
The mind boggles

ACCOUNTANT 2
I strut around as naked as can be

CHORUS
T.M.I.

ACCOUNTANT 2
So never knock upon my door at weekends

CHORUS
We’ll avoid it

ACCOUNTANT 2
Unless you want to see the naked me

CHORUS
No, not me

ACCOUNTANT 3
At weekends I dress up in women’s clothing

CHORUS
No surprise there

ACCOUNTANT 3
I have a diff’rent dress to wear each day

CHORUS
Come what may

ACCOUNTANT 3
I’ve lots and lots and lots of pretty outfits

CHORUS
Bet that cost you!

ACCOUNTANT 3
But though I’m a crossdresser I’m not gay

CHORUS
Gay? No way!

ALL
Oh, when there is number crunching to be done,
to be done
An accountant’s job is not a lot of fun
Not much fun

PS I am now putting Mozart’s music to a Hans Christian Andersen tale. See what you started?

Make Me a Musical! (or why I have been out of circulation)

Monday, February 8th, 2010

This video explains why I haven’t uploaded many videos lately. It is the first in a three-part series that tells of a musical I have been working on, which I hope will at least provide some entertainment for my friends on No Quater and on my Youtube channel.

If you enjoy musicals, you might enjoy this affectionate parody of musicals in general and some of the great classic musicals like West Side Story, My Fair Lady, Damn Yankees, Singing In The Rain, a Chorus Line, Hello Dolly, How to Succeed in Business (Without Really Trying), and a number of others.

Two more videos are to follow (unless everyone hates the first one!)`

Naturally, my prejudices are evident in the video, even if it is about something as seemingly innocuous as musicals. Political correctness is one of them.

Jon Stewart Takes On Keith Olbermann

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

And Olbermann’s response to him. Now you know I used to watch both Keith Olbermann and Jon Stewart religiously. I’m not about to start watching Olbermann again, but after the mocking Jon Stewart did of Olbermann, I may just have to start watching “The Daily Show” again. He’s been on fire recently.

The other night, Stewart went after Olbermann for his baseless attacks on Scott Brown, the new US Senator from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (see, I know how to spell it, even without spell-check! Ahem.). It was absolutely priceless, and is continued within Olbermann’s response to Stewart below:

Yeah, I think there is one person who was funny in that clip, and it sure wasn’t Olbermann.

Stewart gave Olbermann a couple of points, but when someone uses as a reference a video clip (a Brown rally) that has been discredited, yet still insists on making the point with no context (that what was shouted off camera related to a case on which Coakley worked), it is demonstrative of some of the hoops Olbermann will jump through to attack someone. It is disingenuous at best, but that is what we have come to expect from Olbermann. Bluster, innuendo, and attacks based on the thinnest of inferences. I mean, really, for Olbermann, of all people, to attack ANYONE else for being sexist, is just, well, laughable. Go back to the 2008 Primary campaign on just about any night, but this one in particular is pretty indicative:

Olbermann was discussing the election with Newsweek’s Howard Fineman, a frequent guest. They topic was, how can a winner finally be determined in this never-ending Democratic race for the nomination? Of course, the assumption was that it was Clinton that should be shown the door (despite clearly still earning her spot in the race thanks to, um, voters). Fineman said that, all the delegate math aside, ultimately it was going to take “some adults somewhere in the Democratic party to step in and stop this thing, like a referee in a fight that could go on for thirty rounds. Those are the super, super, super delegates who are going to have to decide this.”

Said Olbermann: “Right. Somebody who can take her into a room and only he comes out.”

Now, WHO’S sexist, exactly, Keith? Yeah, uh huh – I’ll give you a hint. It ain’t Scott Brown.

And since Jon Stewart mentioned John Edwards, I just had to see what he said about him. Here it is – a newsflash for “idiots”:

<td style='padding:2px 1px 0px 5px;' colspan='2'John Edwards Affair
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Well, I certainly cannot disagree with Stewart’s assessment of those who did NOT know this child really was Edwards, all protests aside.

Yep, I may just have to start watching The Daily Show again if he keeps going this way. I guess people really ARE starting to wake up! And about damn time, too…

How Did This Tank Get Cut From The Defense Bill??

Monday, December 21st, 2009

One major bit of news that went largely unnoticed this weekend was the passage of this rather significant bill,Defense Appropriations Bill Passes Senate 88-10, Clears Way For Health Bill. Yes, this pesky little bill needed to be take care of before the Democrats could begin to ram the Health “Care” bill (and its attendant expenses) up our, well, you know. Hence, it received very little in the way of discussion.

So, just what was in this bill:

The Senate passed a defense appropriations bill Saturday as the chamber’s Democrats cleared the decks for its healthcare reform legislation.

The $636 billion Pentagon budget and added unrelated amendments including extension of unemployment benefits for fiscal year 2010 passed the Senate overwhelmingly with a vote of 88-10. Sen. Russ Feingold (D-Wis.) was joined by nine Republican senators in opposing the bill.

The vote came after a contentious cloture motion on the defense spending bill passed early Friday as Democrats accused Republicans of slowing the defense bill’s progress in order to impede their healthcare reform package.

Only three Republicans voted to move forward with the defense bill then, which helped beat back a GOP-engineered filibuster.

Despite the legislation funding wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to the tune of $128 billion, much of the debate on the defense bill has centered around the Democrats’ reform push for the healthcare reform legislation instead. In an effort to finish the healthcare bill before the end of the year, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has been keeping the Senate in session late at night and through the weekend. GOP senators, in turn, have said that Democrats are pushing the bill too quickly before it can be properly considered.

Well, yeah – I don’t think one has to be a Republican to speculate as to WHY the Democrats are in such a hurry that they cannot take more time for, I dunno, READING THE DAMN THING first, or forming committees to study the long range impact, particularly cost, etc. But hey, that may just be too reasonable for them:

“The majority knows that the more time the public has with the bill, the more they know about it, the less they will like it,” said Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.) on the Senate floor Saturday before the defense vote. “This is a rush.”

Democrats countered by saying their colleagues across the aisle have concentrated on delaying their bill and have not come up with their own plan to change the healthcare system for the better.

“That is what they have to offer to the American people. Not ideas, not solutions, but delay,” said Senate Majority Whip Richard Durbin (D-Ill.) in response. He then went through a variety of reforms the Senate healthcare bill would achieve.

The successful passage of the defense bill in the Senate now clears the way for Democrats to finish their work on the healthcare reform bill. The House had already easily passed the defense bill on Wednesday with a 395-34 vote.

Oh, Dick (Durbin, that is), why play the blame game in an attempt to not be held accountable for your role in this unwanted, short-sighted, payout to insurance companies and Big Pharma?

Well, I imagine we’ll be debating this for some time to come, this whole Health Care issue, and how it will REALLY affect us. Once they have it all written down, that is.

But even an article on the Defense Appropriations bill is more about the so-called Health “care” bill than Defense. There is a reason for that I think (UPCOMING SATIRE ALERT).

Believe it or not, there is one thing Obama WON’T sign in the Defense Appropriations Bill. Frankly, I don’t understand it one bit. This, to me, looks like one of the all-time coolest, most awesomest, niftiest defensive creations EVER. Oh, if only the following was from a real news organization as opposed to The Onion:

Am I right, or am I right? Totally wicked awesome, isn’t it? Too bad they had to take out the pool, though. Ah, but it is not to be, sadly. One damn thing Obama won’t spend our money on. Oh, he’ll fly back and forth to Copenhagen for a CLIMATE summit after just having flown to Europe a week or so before – talk about your carbon footprint (remember, it isn’t just Air Force One that goes on these trips), but will e allow the Dragon Tank? Noooooooo. Sheesh!

Hopefully, this attempt at levity has brought a bit of a smile to your face, and given you a break, if just for a moment, from the other bullshit which, sadly, is all too real. There will be time enough to discuss it again, but I, for one, on this Solstice Eve, could use a bit of humor. Hope you enjoyed the respite, too!

What Do Miss Americas And Afghanistan Have In Common?

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

At first blush, one would think, not much. But recently, a number of Miss Americas, and one Miss Utah, who is also a former sergeant in the Army, traveled to Afghanistan to meet with the troops.

Oh, you might recognize one woman in particular, especially if you are a fan of The Amazing Race, as I am. Yes, Erica Kleinschmidt, one of the final three pairs in this year’s Amazing Race, is one of the six Miss Americas who went. Watch it here:

Watch the latest business video at FOXBusiness.com

Moving, isn’t it? And after Obama’s “Push Me, Pull Me” policy for Afghanistan, I am sure our troops needed this lift.

And for a bit of a shift, since we will be decorating our Solstice Tree today, I have a fitting tune for you. First, may I just say, I freaking love having a tree inside my house. The way it makes the whole house smell brings a smile to my face every time. Until I have to sweep up the needles on the floor, aided in their decline by my four energetic cats.

Anyway, for a little treat, here is a moving holiday tribute:

I meant “moving” in the cracking up laughing sense!

Hope you enjoyed it. I gotta get to that tree.

The GoverNuts

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

cd_cover400-sMy friends over at the GoverNuts Headquarters have asked me to help them share a little holiday cheer with the unregulated media monitors – you – on this blog. They, The Nuts, enjoy the writers and the ever-clever POTUS (Oh, be still. That’s PEOPLE Of The United States) who add colonoscopic, penetrating insight to real world opinions and news, through the comment sections here. Though they lost their protocol director during the transition to their new digs the Nuts did find their near iconic, street-level guide to art of unraveling modern political cryptography. While they were Hoping to just Change the locks they Opened a large simi-Transparent box and found the lost promises volumes of their debut CD, The GoverNuts – Political Graffiti, and they want to share the wealth.

Actually I think they are a bunch of socialized capitalists because they want you to buy this CD for your friends, family and self so they can donate $4.00 from each CD to the NoQauarter spam-killer for mandatory, voluntary reeducation. Actually it will go towards this website’s operating costs, and that’s good for the Nuts because they are counting on NQ people to provide them fodder for their 2010 release, tentatively titled “ “ to accurately depict all of the great DC accomplishments of late.

elephant donkey

The debut CD was written around political and governmental shenanigans that seem to be repeated every cycle by the parties in power. So, instead of burning the few electron-producing chemicals that remain in my head trying to tell you more about the GoverNuts, I will just drop in a few lyrics from the CD.

Hide your wallet. Politika Rock

The polilitika rock is a pile of crock
But I guess we like the rhythm of the blues
Everybody’s swaying to political sayings
And turning on the late night news

Now the GoverNuts got a brand new band
And they think it’ll go all the way
But when they put your hands in your pockets
You can almost hear them say

Politika roll (big money) politika rock
Well we vote ‘em in because we think it’s a sin
To see a politician work a real job


Many blog regulars will remember the fantastic filmmaker, Flineo. He produced the below embedded video last fall and many formerly respected luminaries said: “Naw! They won’t bring Chicago Politics to Washington. Would they? No way!”


Chicago Politics, most interesting politics
The circus is coming to your town
With jerks, buffoons and elephants
From the House of Delegates
And certified administrative clowns


This is one aptly titled “Hail to the Mob.”

The big boys put a contract out on capitol hill
Well here’s the deal. Why don’t you all just go home!
We’ll take over. We won’t write no bills
There’ll be no more debates under the capitol dome

Balanced budget. Who do we owe this money to anyhow
Who was dumb enough to loan us this much in the first place

Hail, hail to the mob – We’re going to get it right
- No more parlimentary gobligook
- Peace. Not democracy
- Our way is your way
Hail, hail to the mob –

It’s the Chicago Way.


And now a word from the Sinclair Congressional Campaign Committee (If he were The Law Man) Hey. It was on the front page of the Globe, so it has to be true – right?

And evening with me could be the thrill of your life
My shift is almost over let me give you a ride
I got a suitcase full of goodies that I saved form a bust
And the local bar is part of my security trust


I really think I heard this next one was the transition team theme song. With all the issue-naked Hollywood stars and booty-slappin’ rappers hanging out with the boyz at the Frat House on 1600 this Nuts’ tune, Pornographic Pit, seems to fit nicely.

We’ll..Turn this whole damn town
Into a pornographic pit
Run out all the preachers
And bring in all the pimps

Put a banner on the interstate
Saying: “Welcome Everyone”
To the world’s largest
Pornographic pit

..they’ve given a whole new meaning
To home town U.S.A.


With all the Poultry Committees popping up everywhere telling us how we can look at people, issues and ideas, being UnPC may be the new PC. Overheard coming from the Left Lawn: Chicken Liveration

Come one – Gather all. Now is the time for the Chicken Liveration. Chicken’s Rights!
Brak bak ba ..

Over on the hill by the chicken house
The chicks were having a ball
With pigs at the door, a real live band
And corn from wall to wall

Well everything was going fine
Till off in the distance they heard
A band of people (people!) people
Speaking those people words

It was a very good year because we ate a lot of chicken

Well Clara McClacker said: “Stop the ball!”
Now’s come a time for one and for all
To gather together in the Chicken Liveration


What? Think the Right is off the hook? There’s even an oldie on the CD that was penned after the 1994 revolution.

We woke up and saw what they’d done
They’d given us no place to run
The moral minority is now the majority
“Let’s pray” is the priority.

It’s balanced.

The GOP holds a party
And puts a gorilla with religion at the door
While the democrats gather down at the river
And pass around the hat for more.


Well. There’s the introduction to The GoverNuts – Political Graffiti. Go order your copies so you can wrap them up and send them to your former friends. Also, please remember.. and this is very important. I’ve sold this thing (my After-Death Voting Rights) many times, and my kids need the residuals.

Chicago Death Ballot

When I’m dead please bury me in downtown Chicago
So I can still keep casting my vote!