Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

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An Accountant’s Life Is Not a Lot Of Fun (from Pirates in Pinafores, a G&S pastiche)

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Since my last stab at a Gilbert and Sullivan pastiche – “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Intellectual” – seemed to have been enjoyed by a lot of people here on NQ and on my Youtube channel, I thought I would share one of my latest efforts.

This time there is no video involved, however. This is a special preview for NQ readers only. It is a scene from “Pirates in Pinafores: A Gilbert and Sullivan Pastiche”, which features the most popular G&S music (mainly with new lyrics from me) from seven of their shows, all wrapped up in a semi-modern story about love, duty and corporate intrigue. It was partly the reception I got here on NQ and on Youtube to “Modern Intellectual” that inspired me to do a whole show. The final show has 25 songs and two reprises that most people will recognize.

(One of the reasons I haven’t been doing much on NQ or Youtube lately is because I have been too busy with this project and dealing with new interest in my other stage musicals.)

The song in the scene I am printing below is sung by three accountants who work for the Pieman of Penzance (also known as the Franchise King), who has built up a huge fortune with his pie franchise.

SONG 4: AN ACCOUNTANT’S LIFE IS NOT A LOT OF FUN
to the tune of “A Policeman’s Lot Is Not a Happy One” from “Pirates of Penzance”)

ACCOUNTANT 1:
I am Alistair McDuff the chief accountant

CHORUS
Number cruncher

ACCOUNTANTS 2 and 3
And we are his assistants, Keith and Ron

CHORUS
Keith and Ron

ACCOUNTANTS
It’s our job to take good care of all finances

CHORUS
All finances

ACCOUNTANTS
And make sure our number crunching’s never wrong

CHORUS
God forbid

ACCOUNTANTS
But there’s no joy in being an accountant

CHORUS
No excitement

ACCOUNTANTS
For nobody ever thinks of us as fun

CHORUS
Dull as dirt
(ALL YAWN)

ACCOUNTANTS
No-one ever thinks of us as hot and sexy

CHORUS
Never sexy!

ACCOUNTANTS
We always seem so dull to ev’ryone

ALL
It’s not nice when ev’rybody thinks you’re dull
and no fun
An accountant’s lot is not a jolly one
Not a jot

ACCOUNTANTS
But you’ll find in private life we’re quite eccentric

CHORUS:
You? Eccentric?

ACCOUNTANTS
If you knew what we got up to you would say
That you never would have thought that an accountant
Could behave in such a nonconformist way

CHORUS
There’s no way

ACCOUNTANT 1:
In my private life I am an outlaw biker

CHORUS
Who’d have thought it?

ACCOUNTANT 1
At weekends I wear leather ev’ry day

CHORUS
Ev’ry day?

ACCOUNTANT
I ride my Harley with such wild abandon
I scare the pants off all who come my way

ACCOUNTANT 2
At weekends I become a secret nudist

CHORUS
The mind boggles

ACCOUNTANT 2
I strut around as naked as can be

CHORUS
T.M.I.

ACCOUNTANT 2
So never knock upon my door at weekends

CHORUS
We’ll avoid it

ACCOUNTANT 2
Unless you want to see the naked me

CHORUS
No, not me

ACCOUNTANT 3
At weekends I dress up in women’s clothing

CHORUS
No surprise there

ACCOUNTANT 3
I have a diff’rent dress to wear each day

CHORUS
Come what may

ACCOUNTANT 3
I’ve lots and lots and lots of pretty outfits

CHORUS
Bet that cost you!

ACCOUNTANT 3
But though I’m a crossdresser I’m not gay

CHORUS
Gay? No way!

ALL
Oh, when there is number crunching to be done,
to be done
An accountant’s job is not a lot of fun
Not much fun

PS I am now putting Mozart’s music to a Hans Christian Andersen tale. See what you started?

Posted in Gilbert and Sullivan, Hillary, Humor, Music, OldGrumpyGuy, Satire | Comments Off

Make Me a Musical! (or why I have been out of circulation)

Monday, February 8th, 2010

This video explains why I haven’t uploaded many videos lately. It is the first in a three-part series that tells of a musical I have been working on, which I hope will at least provide some entertainment for my friends on No Quater and on my Youtube channel.

If you enjoy musicals, you might enjoy this affectionate parody of musicals in general and some of the great classic musicals like West Side Story, My Fair Lady, Damn Yankees, Singing In The Rain, a Chorus Line, Hello Dolly, How to Succeed in Business (Without Really Trying), and a number of others.

Two more videos are to follow (unless everyone hates the first one!)`

Naturally, my prejudices are evident in the video, even if it is about something as seemingly innocuous as musicals. Political correctness is one of them.

Posted in Hillary, Humor, Music, OldGrumpyGuy, Satire, political correctness | Comments Off

The GoverNuts

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

cd_cover400-sMy friends over at the GoverNuts Headquarters have asked me to help them share a little holiday cheer with the unregulated media monitors – you – on this blog. They, The Nuts, enjoy the writers and the ever-clever POTUS (Oh, be still. That’s PEOPLE Of The United States) who add colonoscopic, penetrating insight to real world opinions and news, through the comment sections here. Though they lost their protocol director during the transition to their new digs the Nuts did find their near iconic, street-level guide to art of unraveling modern political cryptography. While they were Hoping to just Change the locks they Opened a large simi-Transparent box and found the lost promises volumes of their debut CD, The GoverNuts – Political Graffiti, and they want to share the wealth.

Actually I think they are a bunch of socialized capitalists because they want you to buy this CD for your friends, family and self so they can donate $4.00 from each CD to the NoQauarter spam-killer for mandatory, voluntary reeducation. Actually it will go towards this website’s operating costs, and that’s good for the Nuts because they are counting on NQ people to provide them fodder for their 2010 release, tentatively titled “ “ to accurately depict all of the great DC accomplishments of late.

elephant donkey

The debut CD was written around political and governmental shenanigans that seem to be repeated every cycle by the parties in power. So, instead of burning the few electron-producing chemicals that remain in my head trying to tell you more about the GoverNuts, I will just drop in a few lyrics from the CD.

Hide your wallet. Politika Rock

The polilitika rock is a pile of crock
But I guess we like the rhythm of the blues
Everybody’s swaying to political sayings
And turning on the late night news

Now the GoverNuts got a brand new band
And they think it’ll go all the way
But when they put your hands in your pockets
You can almost hear them say

Politika roll (big money) politika rock
Well we vote ‘em in because we think it’s a sin
To see a politician work a real job

Many blog regulars will remember the fantastic filmmaker, Flineo. He produced the below embedded video last fall and many formerly respected luminaries said: “Naw! They won’t bring Chicago Politics to Washington. Would they? No way!”


Chicago Politics, most interesting politics
The circus is coming to your town
With jerks, buffoons and elephants
From the House of Delegates
And certified administrative clowns

This is one aptly titled “Hail to the Mob.”

The big boys put a contract out on capitol hill
Well here’s the deal. Why don’t you all just go home!
We’ll take over. We won’t write no bills
There’ll be no more debates under the capitol dome

Balanced budget. Who do we owe this money to anyhow
Who was dumb enough to loan us this much in the first place

Hail, hail to the mob – We’re going to get it right
- No more parlimentary gobligook
- Peace. Not democracy
- Our way is your way
Hail, hail to the mob –

It’s the Chicago Way.

And now a word from the Sinclair Congressional Campaign Committee (If he were The Law Man) Hey. It was on the front page of the Globe, so it has to be true – right?

And evening with me could be the thrill of your life
My shift is almost over let me give you a ride
I got a suitcase full of goodies that I saved form a bust
And the local bar is part of my security trust

I really think I heard this next one was the transition team theme song. With all the issue-naked Hollywood stars and booty-slappin’ rappers hanging out with the boyz at the Frat House on 1600 this Nuts’ tune, Pornographic Pit, seems to fit nicely.

We’ll..Turn this whole damn town
Into a pornographic pit
Run out all the preachers
And bring in all the pimps

Put a banner on the interstate
Saying: “Welcome Everyone”
To the world’s largest
Pornographic pit

..they’ve given a whole new meaning
To home town U.S.A.

With all the Poultry Committees popping up everywhere telling us how we can look at people, issues and ideas, being UnPC may be the new PC. Overheard coming from the Left Lawn: Chicken Liveration

Come one – Gather all. Now is the time for the Chicken Liveration. Chicken’s Rights!
Brak bak ba ..

Over on the hill by the chicken house
The chicks were having a ball
With pigs at the door, a real live band
And corn from wall to wall

Well everything was going fine
Till off in the distance they heard
A band of people (people!) people
Speaking those people words

It was a very good year because we ate a lot of chicken

Well Clara McClacker said: “Stop the ball!”
Now’s come a time for one and for all
To gather together in the Chicken Liveration

What? Think the Right is off the hook? There’s even an oldie on the CD that was penned after the 1994 revolution.

We woke up and saw what they’d done
They’d given us no place to run
The moral minority is now the majority
“Let’s pray” is the priority.

It’s balanced.

The GOP holds a party
And puts a gorilla with religion at the door
While the democrats gather down at the river
And pass around the hat for more.

Well. There’s the introduction to The GoverNuts – Political Graffiti. Go order your copies so you can wrap them up and send them to your former friends. Also, please remember.. and this is very important. I’ve sold this thing (my After-Death Voting Rights) many times, and my kids need the residuals.

Chicago Death Ballot

When I’m dead please bury me in downtown Chicago
So I can still keep casting my vote!

Posted in Campaigns & Campaign Financing, Chicago, Chicago politics, Chickens, Congress (House & Senate), Current Affairs, Democratic Party, Economy, GoverNuts, Hillary, Humor, Music, No Quarter blog, Republican Party, Satire, money, national debt, political correctness, politics | Comments Off

Don’t trust a man (except me, of course)

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

Here’s one for the feminists. It’s another tongue-in-cheek song from my musical $ucce$$! (now seeking a Broadway home). The song is sung by an Irish-Latino character named Juanita Fitzgerald. The lyrics are as follows:

JUANITA:
Don’t trust a man or you’ll be sorry
Men just cause worry

CHORUS:
They’ll make a fool of you

JUANITA:
They only bring anxiety
Just take it from me!

CHORUS:
Men will just leave you blue

JUANITA:
Don’t trust a man
He’ll only hurt you
He’ll only make a fool of you
He’ll take what he can
And then desert you
That’s men for you
They’ll leave you blue
There’s nothing much a girl can do

CHORUS:
He will hurt you
Then desert you

JUANITA:
All men are swine as you’ll discover
You won’t recover

CHORUS:
They’re evil through and through

JUANITA:
They’ll promise you the earth and sky
Then leave you to cry

CHORUS:
That’s what a man will do

JUANITA:
You always hope there’s one exception
One who will make your dreams come true
But all you get is lies, deception
That’s men for you; I know it’s true
All men are rotten through and through

CHORUS:
Love is just a misconception

JUANITA:
Men have a single function, namely
They just exist to plug the gap
Most of them do it rather lamely

CHORUS:
Let’s wipe ‘em off the map!

JUANITA:
I think it’s clear that we don’t need ‘em
So we won’t breed ‘em

CHORUS:
Then there’ll be none at large

JUANITA:
We just won’t bear their progeny
That’s how it will be

CHORUS:
Then women can take charge

JUANITA:
We don’t need them as pollinators
Test tubes will do their work instead
Then they’ll have no chance to frustrate us
They’ve had their day; that’s what I say
I can’t see any other way

CHORUS:
We don’t need ‘em
We won’t breed ‘em

JUANITA:
A man was born to cause us sorrow
Sure as tomorrow

CHORUS:
That’s all a man is for

JUANITA:
All those I’ve known turned out to be
A burden to me

CHORUS:
Let’s show ‘em all the door

JUANITA:
A man will always try to use you
Then he’ll abuse you

CHORUS:
We just can’t take no more

JUANITA:
I think that we can do without it
No doubt about it
We’ll have no more

CHORUS:
Give ‘em what for
We’ll show ‘em all the door
Clear the floor
Clear them out
Till there’s no more

JUANITA:
We’ll have no more

CHORUS:
When there are none at large
We’ll take charge
When they’re gone
We’ll carry on

JUANITA:
We’ll soldier on

ALL:
And then we’ll all be free
Free to be anything we want to be

Posted in Add new tag, Feminism, Gender Bias, Hillary, Humor, Misogyny, Music, OldGrumpyGuy, Open Thread, Sexism, Women's Suffrage | Comments Off

It’s Yellow and Round - *Open Thread*

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

And it will make you smile.
Okay it doesn’t hurt that it’s paired with a catchy tune.
Still, I’ll bet you can’t play this only once.

But Keepon, the little yellow spongiform “peeps” looking robot, has developed a more serious side - dealing with autism.

Keepon was originally created by Marek Michalowski at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, US, and Hideki Kozima of the National Institute of Communications Technology (NICT) in Japan to be a less robotic, robot. And as the video above shows it would be hard to find a more engaging, human friendly robot. Which is why Keepon is one of many new robots being employed by researchers to study and possibly provide therapy to children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD).

From Robots to Fight Autism

Children with ASD often have trouble with the “dance” of body language and facial gestures needed to have successful conversations and social contact with others. Both reading the intentions of others and knowing their own emotions can be a struggle, and children often become stranded both emotionally and socially.

One baby in every 150 born today in the U.S. is diagnosed with ASD. Treatment involves a combination of therapies — behavioral, educational, physical, occupational, and speech — that is costly and not always effective. After finding that children with ASD interact more easily with robots than with people, researchers began developing expressive and interactive robots that can assist them in studying and creating effective therapy for the children.

Keepon’s gentle boogieing and its simple, innocuous appearance (five inches tall, rubbery, resembling two tennis balls stacked one on top of the other) make it perfect for interacting with socially withdrawn children. Armless and legless and only possessing two eyes and a nose, Keepon expresses itself mainly through its four movements: nodding, turning, rocking and bobbing.

However, Keepon does have a camera behind those eyes and a microphone hidden in its nose. Researchers Michalowski and Kozima have studied preschool children with ASD in Japan and have found that interacting with the robots draws the children into a range of new social behaviors. Videos of those encounters show the children feeding Keepon imaginary food, giving it imaginary medicine when it has a Band-Aid on its head, and protecting it against abuse by other children.

The most striking video shows one girl slowly forging a relationship with the robot. At first she refuses to even directly look at Keepon, but as the days go on, she draws closer to the robot, eventually touching it with a xylophone stick, then her hand. After weeks, she can be seen looking into Keepon’s eyes, putting a hat on it, and even giving it a kiss, an action she rarely performed even towards her own mother.

_____________________

Here is the original YouTube video of Keepon that created a bit of a sensation in 2007.

_____________________

And here is a great video of keeper Marek Michalowski explaining Keepon’s motions and capabilities.

_____________________

Keepon and Marek Michalowski on the Today show, last week.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

_____________________

So what made you smile today?

Posted in Autism, Current Affairs, Hillary, Humor, Keepon, Music, Robots | Comments Off

The Marketing Game (who or what does it remind you of?)

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

I wrote the song in this video for a musical called “SUCCESS!” (which I recently revised and which is currently looking for a Broadway home). It occurred to me that the observations in this song could be applied to a lot of the people and situations discussed here since the start of the elections.

Part of the lyrics are as follows:

Take an ordinary guy with a couple of dimples
You slap on some make-up to cover the pimples
A little bit of gloss and the kid could go far
And before you know it you’ve created a star
Cause it’s not what you sell
It’s the way that you sell it
It’s not the story
It’s the way that you tell it
If you’ve got no talent
That’s no cause for shame
‘Cause we can fix it all
In the marketing game….

All you need to succeed is the right kind of sell
With the right type of hype you can do very well
Don’t be glum if there’re some
Who just think you’re a bum
With me you’re gonna do just swell

With my marketing skills there is no chance of failure
Your name will be known from Maine to Australia
With my expertise you just simply can’t lose
I can help you be anything that you choose…

Now who does that remind you of? (Actually a number of people spring to mind).

The show is basically a pastiche/parody of classic movie musicals, including West Side Story, My Fair Lady, A Chrorus Line, The Producers, Singing In The Rain, Damn Yankee, Hello Dolly and others. If you want to hear some of the other songs and see them in the context of some of the movies they affectionately parody, you can find them on this Youtube playlist.

Posted in Hillary, Music, OldGrumpyGuy | Comments Off

A sign of the times?

Friday, April 17th, 2009

A friend sent me a link to this delightful video that recalls an innocence that belongs to a different era, when there was less cynicism around. The popularity of this video, along with the astounding impact of singer Susan Boyle on “Britiain’s Got Talent”, suggest a possible wind change in the general zeitgeist, perhaps brought on by the worldwide recession.

With all the pretentious nonsense that has been forced down our throats the past quarter century by the cultural fashionistas, I am hoping the spirit captured on these videos will catch on.

I wish I could have been there when these people at Antwerp railway station in Belgium suddenly began to erupt into dance to the tune of “Do Re Mi” from “The Sound of Music”. But at least I have seen the video (five times now). Even though it was staged to promote a production of the musical, I still find something very liberating and joyous in it, and obviously many other people do too.

The video has already received more than a million hits and I am sending it to everyone I know.

Posted in Current Affairs, Hillary, Music, culture | Comments Off

What changes will Spring bring?

Sunday, March 15th, 2009

Is it just coincidence that the stock market began to show gains just as the first buds of Spring began to show themselves after a particularly dismal winter?

Whatever the effects of the Obama Administration’s policies, I have a feeling that the general outlook will at least marginally improve as the weather improves.

Psychology is a powerful force behind economic activity, and the seasons can have a powerful impact on the way people view the state of their lives. Maybe a little more sunshine might provide a more effective stimulus than we have been offered so far.

I hope so. And I am willing to bet that we will all be feeling a little better and that things will not look quite so bad as they have been looking. Of course, it would be difficult for the gloom barometer to fall much lower than it has already done.

Anyway, it’s given me the excuse to air one of my videos - one with a pastoral, spring-like feel to it (I hope) - and once again to shamelessly promote my music. This video features music from Passion’s Progress.

Posted in Current Affairs, Economic Stimulus, Economy, Hillary, Music, Spring | Comments Off

Join Jay & His Special Guest “Seattle Moss” at 9:00 p.m. ET on No Quarter Radio * Open Thread

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

notopictabooJoin us tonight for “No Topic Taboo With Jay” at No Quarter Radio.

Here’s tonight’s special guest who all of you NoQuarter regulars know: Seattle Moss! Seattle Moss owns and manages a company, and is experiencing much that all other businesses are going through. About an hour and a half before the show tonight, from 9:00 p.m. ET to 10:00 p.m., his article — “A real businessman’s story as ‘the canary in the coal mine’” — will be published. After you read Seattle Moss’s story, you’ll undoubtedly have questions for him, so call in to (347) 677-0792 during the show. And, if you’d rather, you can submit questions via my special NoQuarter Radio show e-mail address, ntteewithjay@me.com.

As always, the ever-busy chat room and the phone lines are open to discuss anything the NQ audience would like to. Last week we discussed puppies, horror movies, and baseball, but — besides talking business, the economy and what Obama and Congress are doing — who knows what will come up this week. I hope to touch on the Grammy Awards tonight, if we have time after Seattle Moss calls in.

We’ll also hit on all the breaking news and whatever else you bring up when you call in at (347) 677-0792. Remember that NO TOPIC IS TABOO, so you’re welcome to bring up new issues.

Be sure to join the live chat session, which I usually start up about 10 minutes before the show begins at 9 p.m. ET.

I encourage you all to participate. If you are the shy type you can email me at the show email address: ntteewithjay@me.com.

And don’t forget if you miss my show or any other NQ Radio Show on BlogTalk Radio, you can come here and listen to the recorded show or, if you have iTunes or an iPod, you can subscribe to all of our shows as Podcasts by following the instructions in the yellow box on the right-hand side of our page.

—————————————————————————–
(THIS ADDED BY JAY)

As we get ready for tonight’s show I am pleased to announce that my friend Hank Woji will be joining me again next Wednesday night. Let me rephrase that, 2009 Texas Music Award nominee Hank Woji will be joining me. We talked about it the last time he was on the show and Hank has been nominated for the Singer Songwriter of the year award. If you want to get reacquainted with Hank here are links to his webpage and his MySpace page.

Just like in the nomination process there is a fan voting component to the final awards. I’m going to let Hank take over the post and tell you in his own words:

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! …to everyone who voted for the Texas Music Awards!

Your votes have helped nominate me for the 2009 Singer/Songwriter of the Year award!

This was a good year for Houston artists…especially with all the nominees for Singer/Songwriter being friends from here in the Houston area.

And because the past 3 recipients of this award, since it was first awarded, were also Houston based songwriters - Hayes Carll, Ken Gaines & Robert Frith (twice), I guess you could say Houston Songwriters Rock!!!

So OK…here’s the deal…I need your help again…please do this NOW because it will only take 3 minutes…and you just might forget later….I probably would! -)

You don’t have to be a member of the Academy of Texas Music to vote. Fan votes make up 10% of the total vote, so please vote NOW! …don’t wait till Feb. 20th to cast your vote for your favorite artists!…Thanks!!
Just click on this link to vote.

Winners will be announced at the ceremony at the Palestine Civic Center on Sunday, April 26th. The awards show is hosted this year by Texas’s own Michael Martin Murphey.

and if you would like to vote for my friends & fellow Houston artists:

Best Vocal Duo or Group: SMYTHE & TAYLOR

Best Female Vocalist: CONNIE MIMS or TC SMYTHE

Broadcast Radio Station: KPFT 90.1FM

That would be great too!

Thanks again

Hank

So it’s Seattle Moss tonight and Hank Woji next Wednesday at 9 Eastern, 8 Central, 7 Mountain, 6 Pacific and those across the pond in London-town it will be 2AM Thursday morning. Remember if it’s Wednesday night, it’s “No Topic Taboo…Everything Else with Jay”. See you there.

Posted in Current Affairs, Hillary, Music, MySpace, NQR Live Chat, No Quarter blog, No Topic Taboo...Everything Else with Jay, NoQuarter Radio, Open Thread | Comments Off

The Cultural Revolution Starts Here!

Friday, January 30th, 2009

In my new video I look at the way the Emperor’s Clothing Syndrome has dominated the arts and humanities over the past half century, with the help of academic practitioners looking for theories to build on, trying to carve out some academic territory for themselves and becoming the high priests or priestesses of their chosen domains. In music, it ended with meaningless and very irritating noise.

Now I make some sweeping generalizations in this video, and may be overstating my case for effect, but that does not necessarily dilute the reality of what I am saying.

As I said at the beginning of the top ten composer series, we saw the Emperor’s Clothing Syndrome ( a tendency to pretend to see or believe something out of fear of being thought of out of step with others, or out of fear that you might be attacked or ridiculed if you show your true feelings) running rampant during the elections.

“It’s the kind of pseudo-liberal academic milieu that produces people like the Beast with No Name, who is a Rhodes scholar and yet one of the most narrow-minded and bigoted people you can find. One of the problems is that lot of people who excel academically are people who are able to absorb and reflect back what their tutors want them to,” I wrote then.

“They are the kind of people who try to impose their narrow and very theoretical world view on others and become blinkered in their focus, doing their best to beat down anyone who doesn’t agree with them. (Now what does that remind you of?).”

Academia can provide you with the tools and techniques of art, but the academic process cannot make you an artist, or even an art critic.

From a broader perspective, Academia can provide you with a framework for examining things, but to get close to the true nature of anything you have to examine it through a number of different frameworks from a number of different angles. If you keep using the same theoretical frameworks, they become blinkers.

Many branches of academia, particularly in the field of arts and humanities, strive to create a single framework or model of things and academics fight to have their models adopted as the only ones that are valid. That is what gives them power.

Art and life in general cannot be confined by academic theories or opinion. The essence of art is that it must be transcendant, and to be transcendant it has to be organic. It has to be able to grow beyond prescribed boundaries to achieve new perspectives.

As in art, so in life.

Posted in Add new tag, Censorship, Democracy, Disenfranchisement, Elitism, Hillary, Humor, Media, Music, OldGrumpyGuy, arrogance, arts, civil liberties, civilization, fascism, society | Comments Off

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