The Light: Hillary

Don’t miss my second radio show tonight at 8:00 p.m. ET, with guest moderator Nocturnal Warrior. Tonight’s promo info:

Get an hour’s worth of common sense about the economy, the markets, Wall Street and Main Street with “LD,” a Wall St. veteran and NoQuarterUSA blog’s financial whiz.

Call in Sunday night, 8 p.m. ET (347-677-0792) to LD’s second weekly show, along with guest moderator Nocturnal Warrior.

LD and Nocturnal Warrior will welcome your calls at (347) 677-0792.

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The domestic equity markets rebounded by 15% over the last week which is the single strongest week since the 1930s. With that rebound the markets still ended down app 5% for the month. Despite the enormous rebound, albeit on moderate volume and in a shortened week, the overall sentiment and fundamentals to the market remain decidedly negative.

The Dow has been in a range of 9600-7500 over the last 6 months so the rebound off the lows of 11/20 bring the market back slightly above the midpoint of this short-term range. I would counsel those who trade the market to trade it against those levels with an overall negative bias.

The rebound started with the announcement of Geithner as Treasury Secretary but then received another 1.1trillion reasons to move higher in the form of the rescue package thrown to Citigroup (300bln) and 800bln in the form of more rescue money for Freddie/Fannie, more purchases of debt issues by Freddie/Fannie and Federal Home Loan Banks, and funding for a facility to facilitate increased liquidity for consumer finance markets.

With those announcements, the equity markets continued to rally as did the U.S. government bond market, and the U.S. mortgage market (each of those debt markets rallied by app 40 to 50 basis points). The corporate credit markets, the high yield markets, and the municipal markets did not rally, however. Those markets remain largely frozen for entities looking to issue debt.

Let’s think this through for a second. On one hand, Uncle Sam is taking on a massive amount of increased debt to support a wide array of market sectors and then, on the other hand, Uncle Sam in the form of U.S. Treasury is the buyer of debt issued by entities that would have already been bankrupt without government support.

Yes, Uncle Sam is leveraging its own balance sheet in unprecedented fashion to then purchase the debt and assets of entities that are also massively levered. Does it sound like a mix of self-dealing, market manipulation, and adding more floors to a house of cards? I think so and many others do as well. In fact, the greatest risk factor at work in the markets currently is the “political” risk. This risk is typical of lesser developed countries but is now the greatest daily risk not only here in the U.S. but globally as well.

In fact, given the amount of leverage that the U.S. has taken on its’ books it would now be on the precipice of going on a “watch list” by rating agencies if it were a bank.

Let’s look at the move lower in rates this week. The 10yr U.S. Treasury bond moved lower by .40 (40 basis points…lower rates means higher bond price), which is counterintuitive with an equity market that just rallied so substantially. If the equity market rallied, thinking that equity values have discounted the economic pain that is likely to come in 2009, then the move lower in rates is a reflection of people believing that we are headed for deflation or more a reflection that the U.S. Treasury announced that they will purchase 500bln in bonds.

To put that number in perspective, that number of 500bln is 80% of the money spent on the Iraqi war exercised over the last 5 yrs. IMO, Paulson announced that commitment along with the 200bln for a lending facility for consumer finance and another 100bln for F/F to “move” the market (manipulate perhaps) and promote borrowing primarily by homeowners.

That said, IMO Wall St. “front ran” the Treasury knowing how large the program will be. As borrowing picks up primarily by “creditworthy” homeowners, we may see some stability in certain parts of the housing market, but we will also clearly see increased growth in the money supply and further drop in government rates.

Thus, IMO the next two big “bubbles” will be in U.S. government bonds and in our money supply leading to pain that may very well be even greater down the road than the pain of delivering that we are experiencing now. What will this pain be? Vicious inflation!!

The U.K has seen serious decline in the value of its currency as have other countries. I believe we will see global decline in currency values with inflation increasing dramatically given the continuation and the growth of “spending” our way and “printing” our way out of every problem.

The virtual certainty of a fiscal stimulus program to be delivered on Obama’s desk is in sync with this approach.

In fact, I can envision that every spending program coming out of Congress will now use the cover of “stimulus” and “it’s for our national economic well being”.

Well, I was always of the impression that in order to get out of the hole, one should “stop digging”.

Every day I look for somebody to have the political courage to propose the concept of cutting capital gains tax rates and other forms of tax relief to encourage private capital into our markets. By doing that we can promote the transferral of assets from weak hands to strong hands.

I also think Paulson promoted this last 800bln package given criticism he received for not allocating TARP money to the purchase of distressed assets previously. Concerned with legacy more than any concept of fiscal discipline, perhaps?!

In regard to the rescue line thrown to Citigroup, many people whom I respect qualify that as the “closest thing to nationalizing that institution” as we have seen. We did see the actual nationalization of the Royal Bank of Scotland in the U.K as that bank was unable to raise sufficient private capital.

I could write more as there are many more moles that have popped up previously that will be back as well as other institutions and agencies that will face the pain of liquidity and credit crunches in the near horizon. These include:

• pension funds
• auto industry
• municipalities
• sovereign governments
• hedge funds
• consumer finance companies
• banks
• endowments

In regard to positive news and developments, for those in the position of having excess liquidity, be patient and judicious as there will be an abundance of outstanding investment opportunities.

Please join us Sunday evening from 8:00-9:00 p.m. ET here on No Quarter for an hour’s worth of “Dollars and Sense.”

I encourage comments, criticisms, and questions from all involved and interested in the economy and markets, especially from those with different outlooks and opinions.

LD

all books about Hillary Clinton

Obama was to be joined by the New York senator at a Chicago news conference Monday, Democratic officials said, where he also planned to announce that Defense Secretary Robert Gates would remain in his job for a year or more and that retired Marine General James L. Jones would serve as national security adviser. … Read all at the Seattle P.I.

[CAPTION: In this Nov. 21, 2008 file photo, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., attends a memorial ceremony for the late Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll in the Capitol rotunda in Harrisburg, Pa. Democratic officials say President-elect Barack Obama will nominate Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton to be his secretary of state on Monday. (AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster, File) ]

Susan’s Note: The P.I. was very pro-Obama, but I am touched that they chose those flattering photos of Hillary, unlike the New York Post which always — always — finds the worst possible photos of her.

I will remember that gesture by this newspaper which, sadly, is struggling and has been for years. Newspapers are another business caught in the stranglehold of some very pushy unions that need to get reasonable.

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I am so damn proud of my Hillary that my britches are burstin’!

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Here’s a bit more from the newspaper story — and we all KNOW that Hillary will have no problem being confirmed, but this had to be done in order to placate the Republicans and the Clinton naysayers:

To make it possible for his wife to become the top U.S. diplomat, the officials said, former President Clinton agreed:

-to disclose the names of every contributor to his foundation since its inception in 1997 and all contributors going forward.

-to refuse donations from foreign governments to the Clinton Global Initiative, his annual charitable conference.

-to cease holding CGI meetings overseas.

-to volunteer to step away from day-to-day management of the foundation while his wife is secretary of state.

-to submit his speaking schedule to review by the State Department and White House counsel.

-to submit any new sources of income to a similar ethical review.

Bill Clinton’s business deals and global charitable endeavors had been expected to create problems for the former first lady’s nomination. But in negotiations with the Obama transition team, the former president agreed to several measures designed to bring transparency to those activities.

“It’s a big step,” said Sen. Richard G. Lugar of Indiana, the top Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, who said he plans to vote to confirm Clinton.

The former president long had refused to disclose the identities of contributors to his foundation, saying many gave money on condition that they not be identified.

Lugar said there would still be “legitimate questions” raised about the former president’s extensive international involvement. “I don’t know how, given all of our ethics standards now, anyone quite measures up to this who has such cosmic ties, but … hopefully, this team of rivals will work,” Lugar said.

Obama’s choice of Hillary Clinton was an extraordinary gesture of good will after a year in which the two rivals competed for the Democratic nomination in a long, bitter primary battle.

They clashed repeatedly on foreign affairs. Obama criticized Clinton for her vote to authorize the Iraq war. Clinton said Obama lacked the experience to be president and she chided him for saying he would meet with leaders of nations such as Iran and Cuba without conditions. …

See more at TheNoseOnYourFace.

I moved to Florida about 15 months ago and only recently started reading our local newspaper, Florida Today. I’m proud of our paper. The editorial staff weighed in on the recent gay adoption ruling and fully supports ending the Florida ban on gay adoptions in a strongly worded editorial. Here are a few snips:

Discrimination against gays is the last legally sanctioned, socially acceptable form of bigotry in America, and an ugly stain on our nation’s promise of equality for all. State voters made it worse Nov. 4, when they sullied the Florida Constitution by passing an amendment that bans gay marriage, denying homosexuals the same rights their fellow citizens enjoy.
…
That Florida continues to live in the discriminatory Dark Ages on this issue is deplorable, and it’s long past time the ban is stricken from the books. Lederman’s ruling opens the door widely to finally make that happen, and we urge judges who further review the case to follow her lead and with it the Florida Constitution’s clear guarantee of equal protection under the law for everyone. Gay or straight.

Brevard is a conservative leaning county dominated by the aerospace industry and dotted with U.S. Air Force bases. I’m amazed that Florida Today has stood up for issues of equality and fairness, including gay rights. Just so you can get the flavor of the kinds of uninformed, ignorant, and/or misguided ideas people express about gays and lesbians, here are a few comments posted to the editorial. Emphasis mine.

11/29/2008 7:15:10 AM DBarton wrote:
I believe the children should be at the focus of this conversation. A child is entitled to a mother and father as it was designed to be rather than into a mentally unbalanced home of two mothers or two fathers. I am so tired of the gay lifestyle being shoved down our throats on a daily basis and the belief it to be normal. It is a psychiatric problem that deserves attention as it is not normal. Many kids are troubled enough without adding in this factor of a lifestyle that goes against traditional and moral family values. If one chooses to live this type of lifestyle there are certain rights you choose to forfeit. Case Closed!!
…
11/29/2008 7:34:42 AM imoonly wrote (reply to DBarton):
I have to agree. If they were bore [born] with a physical abnormality they would do all the could to get it fixed. But with a sexual confusion disorder they for some reason choose to give into instead of fight it. The children are not better off in gay homes. Simply put, its unnatural.
…
11/29/2008 9:53:25 AM deltajordan wrote:
…Personally, the gays I have known did have psychological problems. IMHO they were effeminate males because their mother died at a young age or they were abused by a priest or other psychological traumas.
…
11/29/2008 7:34:42 AM imoonly wrote (replying to another commenter):
…Homosexuality is not normal. Therefore, raising kids in this environment can only end up causing harm to the child. That harm may not come out until they are older, but it’s abuse in and of itself. Anything that is done against God’s plan will have a negative impact. Just as woman’s lib and divorce has had a negative impact on society.

I have great compassion for people that hold these kinds of beliefs, especially when they use religion to try to justify them. They grasp stereotypes and hold on to them like a lifeboat. They are afraid of anything different from themselves. Homosexuality challenges them. I understand that. It challenged me.

Neither my partner nor I are “mentally unbalanced,” suffer from “psychological problems,” or were victims of abuse that caused us to be lesbians. We both had heterosexual parents, siblings, a middle class upbringing, and college educations. We both knew from a very young age (5-6 years old) that we were homosexual and that this biological difference was to be kept a secret. We both chose to hide ourselves in a heterosexual life-style through our teens and early twenties by dating guys. We have both had relationships and sexual experiences with males, with full knowledge that the heterosexual life-style for us was a lie so huge it shook us to our core. (For you heteros, imagine making yourself engage in an emotional AND physically intimate relationship with your same-gender close friend because that’s what society has told you is correct and that opposite-sex relationships were an abomination. The betrayal to yourself would shake you to your core, believe me.)

Gays and lesbians spend years, sometimes decades, in self-exploration, trying to understand who they are, why fitting in as a heterosexual didn’t work, and why they are different. No one chooses to be born homosexual, to be a lighting rod for bigotry from all corners of society. No one chooses this. What we do choose is our freedom. We will no longer be shackled by biblical soundbites or ignorant stereotypes that we are unstable, perverted, abominations. We are stable, monogamous, and spiritual people. We work, pay taxes, go to church, and shop for groceries just like everyone else. We struggle with many of the same issues, share many of the same joys, and dream many of the same dreams. We want to share in our nation’s promise of equality; we want to have the same rights and privileges other citizens have, the right to have our unions and families legally recognized.

Like with civil rights and interacial marriage, our country has come to another crossroads with gay rights. Many brave whites and people of color stood together to usher in a new age of equality, tolerance, and dignity. It’s time once again to unite for the cause of equality. It won’t make you popular, but standing up for gay rights, well, is the right thing to do.

Crossposted from my blog, Red Hot & Blue Politics.

Well, let’s open this to discussion. While they could be role-playing Daily Kos middle management or that of any liberal foundation, they also could be role-playing the Democratic party’s middle management. And what about Barack Obama new economic team? Wow. They remind me of so many mid-level managers. Yeah, I bet they’re really Obama’s new economic team.

But, now it’s your turn, and every one of you gets to speak up, and then write a memo about it. Get that memo out by Monday at 9 a.m. sharp.
More where that came from.

OPEN THREAD NOW!

Way, way back … long before he was famous. Before he had a show on PBS. Before he did commercials with famous people. Before he had a recurring guest role on Numb3rs. Way, way back, long ago …

What is goin’ on?

When it comes to maritime ops, terrorists regardless of motive or backer have been pretty inept. Yes there was the hijacking of the cruise ship Achille Lauro (and the subsequent murder of Leon Klinghoffer). And Hezbollah has made repeated attempts to attack Israel from the sea. More often than not these attacks failed.

The Mumbai attacks apparently started with the hijacking of a merchant ship that in turn became a mother ship for launching the attackers in zodiacs, which took them to shore where the attacks commenced. This is not a common tactic and has rarely been used with much success. Odds are that the hijacked ship had been surveilled prior to the execution of the attacks and was not just a random choice.

This means the people who carried out this op had some support in the port of Mumbai. I see this as further circumstantial proof of an ISI role. It would be natural for ISI to have intel assets in the Mumbai port.

Piracy not terrorism has been a bigger concern in the seas around India. So this operation is unique and worthy of concern. Previously only Israel has faced a sustained maritime threat. There is an excellent paper that provides a good summary of the various maritime ops that have been carried out against Israel. Here are some relevant paragraphs. Look familiar?

On June 24, 1974, the first of such attacks was perpetrated by three terrorists in Naharia. Having set sail from Lebanon, the team landed on the Naharia beach, seizing several hostages in a nearby apartment building. Before being killed in a gun battle with Israeli security forces, the terrorist succeeded in killing four and wounded eight more.[27] As an immediate response, the Israeli security forces and especially the navy, increased their security measures on the northern border to prevent further infiltration, by setting up not only a radar station and lookouts at Rosh Hanikra, but also introducing security zones in which no civilian shipping and swimming was allowed. Moreover, Israel’s navy increased the number of patrol boats stationed near the northern border to three. These security measures successfully prevented most of the attempts to cross directly from Lebanon into Israel.[28] The last successful attack (attempts still occur) that made use of this tactic, was the murder of the Haran Family in Naharia on the night of April 22, 23, 1979. Four terrorists from Abu Abbas’s Palestine Liberation Front (PLF), landed on the beach in a rubber boat killing a policeman and attacking an apartment building. Capturing a father and his four-year-old daughter, the terrorists killed both when the police arrived. Attempting to conceal her second daughter from the terrorists, the mother accidentally smothered her. Abu Abbas later stated that the attack was a protest against the Egyptian-Israeli peace treaty.[29]

B. 1970th – The use of Mother Ships by Palestinian Terrorist Groups

Following the implementation of tougher security measures on Israel’s northern border, the Palestinian terrorist organization changed their tactics in order to circumvent these measures. The terrorist organizations resorted to a tactic already conceived in 1972 – the use of mother ships. The idea was to circumvent the heavily defended northern border and launch smaller attack dinghies from a mother ship outside Israeli territory. Once launched, these fast dinghies would travel east in Israel’s blind spot, in order to land “out of nowhere”, at Israel ’s major metropolitan cities.

The first such attack occurred on March 5, 1975[30] when eight terrorists landed on the Tel Aviv beach and attacked the Savoy hotel. Barricading themselves together with thirteen hostages, the terrorists threatened that if the Israelis did not release 20 Palestinian prisoners within four hours, the hostages would be killed. In the morning, the Israeli commando unit Sayeret Matkal stormed the hotel, killing seven terrorists and capturing one. Five hostages were freed and eight were killed. Three soldiers were also killed. A few hours later, the mother ship which had transported the terrorists, was captured by the Israeli navy on its way to Cyprus. The timing of the terrorist attack was clearly aimed to coincide with the visit of the U.S. Secretary of State, Dr. Kissinger, who intended to promote a political settlement between Egypt and Israel. Panic-stricken, the PLO hoped that by carrying out a terrorist attack they would sabotage Dr. Kissinger’s mission.[31] Moreover, the attack was designed to kill Jews and non-Jews, in order to enhance Arafat’s prestige in the eyes of his supporters and coalition partners.[32] Established after the Yom Kippur war, the Fatah naval arm was linked operationally to its special reconnaissance and intelligence unit, lead by the head of Fatah’s military wing, Abu Jihad. Fatah’s naval arm underwent basic training, including diving instruction, in Egypt, Libya, Algeria and Syria. In mid-January, 1975, the group which was comprised of Hader Muhammed, Musa Juma El-Tallka, Muhammed El Masri, Muhammed Mashala, Ahmed Hamid, Ziad Talk El Zrir, Musa Awad and Abu El Lel, commenced training as a team at the Fatah training base at Duma. At the end of the month, the group was transferred to a training base of the naval arm in Latakiye, before being transferred in February to a Fatah base in southern Lebanon. Here the group received final instructions in the art of bargaining for human lives.[33] The group also received instructions on how to conduct the mission. According to the original plan, the group was to split up and operate as two separate units, barricading themselves together with the hostages. They would threaten to blow themselves up if their demands were not fulfilled. Furthermore, the group was given prepared propaganda that would further their aim in preventing a peaceful settlement between Egypt and Israel, by making claims which would incriminate Egypt, thus drawing Israel into a reprisal that would make Dr. Kissinger’s efforts worthless (if caught) or, if the mission was successful, the group would claim that it was a Fatah cell from the Israeli-held territories; thereby increasing Arafat’s prestige in these areas. In both cases the propaganda was to conceal the involvement of both Lebanon and Syria.[34] Reality, however, proved otherwise; not only was the operational execution of the plan insufficient, as the group stayed together, but the propaganda stories were discovered and the crew of the mother ship was taken prisoner. While the defense establishment swore that any terrorist penetrating Israel “should pay the full price for this savage and crazy method”[35], the general Israeli population was struck with anxiety, as the feeling prevailed that there was no place within Israel that would be safe from terrorist attacks. Moreover, the immediate result of the Savoy attack was that Israel’s hotel industry had many cancellations of bookings made by foreign guests and delegations such as the Vienna Burgtheater, which canceled its show which was to take place in Israel on March 13, 1975.

The Israel Defense Forces’ (IDF) response to the Savoy attack was to increase naval activities, including the use of missile boats along Israel’s Mediterranean and the Lebanese coasts. Moreover, the IDF used aircrafts to search the Mediterranean for suspicious ships and established coastal observation points, artillery batteries and used reconnaissance units to patrol the beaches in order to prevent further infiltrations from the west. While these security measures prevented some attempts by the Palestinian groups to copy the Savoy operation and led to the surrender of a speed boat team at the Tel Aviv Marina (September 1976) and the capture of mother ships such as the Ginan (March 1979) and Stephanie (March 1979), it did not prevent one of the major terrorist attacks in the history of the State of Israel.

The Coastal Road attack on March 11, 1978 killed a total of 37 Israelis and injured more then 70. Orchestrated by Abu Jihad (Fatah), thirteen terrorists set sail on March 8, 1978 from Tyre, Lebanon on board a mother ship. The plan was for the terrorists to land in two dinghies on the shores of Tel Aviv, taking hostages in order to free five imprisoned terrorists. However, as the captain of the mother ship was afraid of being caught by the Israeli navy approaching Israel, he made the terrorists disembark onto their smaller dinghies further away from the shore then planned. The Captain of the mother ship exploited the navigational ignorance of the terrorist group, in order to secure his own safety.[36] Furthermore, the stormy sea on that day complicated the navigation and caused the death of two of the terrorists. Eventually, eleven terrorists, led by Dalal al-Maghrabi,[37] landed on the Maagan Michael beach, killing six people whom they encountered on the way. After stopping two buses and herding the passengers together into one bus carrying over 70 hostages, most of them women and children, the terrorists headed south towards Tel Aviv, firing at passing cars.[38] Determined to prevent the bus from entering Tel Aviv, the police blocked the road just north of the city and succeeded in halting the vehicle. In the resulting gun battle between the police and terrorists the bus caught fire due to a terrorist grenade. Nine terrorists involved in the attack were killed and two captured. As the Israeli security forces did not know the fate of all the terrorists, for the first time since 1968, they imposed a curfew[39] over the population area between northern Tel Aviv and Nethanya, while thousands of troops and police searched for terrorists thought to be still at large. The curfew was called off the following evening, when it became clear that none had escaped.

Following the Coastal Road attack, Israel launched a wide scope of military actions, in order to prevent Palestinian terrorism from Lebanon.[40] On March 14, 1978, Israel launched Operation Litani. During the seven day offensive, the IDF first captured a belt of land approximately 10 kilometers deep with the aim of pushing Palestinian militant groups, particularly the PLO, away from the border with Israel. The operation was later expanded in order to occupy all the territory, with the exception of Tyre, up to the Litani River. However, despite the superiority of the IDF and the high casualties on both sides, the operation did not destroy the Palestinian terror infrastructure in Lebanon. Israel’s invasions into Lebanon also resulted in UN Resolution 425 and Resolution 426 calling for the withdrawal of Israeli forces from Lebanon and the establishment of the UN Interim Force in Lebanon (UNIFIL) with the mandate to restore peace and sovereignty to Lebanon. As a result of the Litani operation, the terrorist groups were driven out of the immediate border area with Israel, making it more difficult for the terrorist organizations to infiltrate Israel by land. This increased the motivation to enhance the development and education of the terrorists in maritime terror tactics. [41]

You can read the complete paper here. It is worth your time.

(This is a classified report that my neighbor intercepted. - nasuS)

November 28, 2008 - Seahawks football practice was delayed nearly two hours, late this morning after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Head coach Mike Holmgren (former head coach at Green Bay) immediately suspended practice while police and federal agents were called to investigate.

After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line.

Practice was resumed this afternoon after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

My neighbor used to hack into federal computer systems all the time, during commercials on ESPN and any channel that airs sports. But, tragically, he got a DVR. And now he just fast-forwards through the commercials, so has nearly given up his essential hobby.

Luckily for us, the Seahawks and all of Seattle, he goofed yesterday. He didn’t pre-set the show far enough in advance, and ended up seeing the message dreaded by all DVR addicts on their television sets — “LIVE TV” — DURING A COMMERCIAL! — so he went back to his old hobby of hacking into the NSA, FBI, CIA, Dick Cheney’s typewriter, John Yoo’s Blackberry, and David Addington’s enormous globular head.

OT: He once hacked into Maureen Dowd’s brain but it was so lousy with bugs and teeming with worms that he feared for his computer.

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I HAVE A REQUEST OF YOU. Stealing his DVR is not an option because he’s armed to the teeth, and his best friend next door has an arsenal that the original Black Panthers would have envied.

What other places can we entice him to hack into that might trigger his interest in hacking again?

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OPEN THREAD!

[Updated throughout.]

Copyright © 2008 Uppity Woman. All Rights Reserved.

It takes preparation, you know.

I mean, preparing for Unconditional talks with savages who want to kill everybody in your country is no easy feat, ya know. You gotta get into the right mindset.

Then you just stroll on over to them and tell them it’s not nice to blow people up. You pat them on the back, careful not to touch their AK-47s, and you tell them:

“Come on guys! This is not cool! Okay?

“Besides, you are all interfering with all the American jobs we outsourced here in India. Dell customer service is going to be hurt. So cut it out, will ya?”

I’ll give you Israel if you cut this terrorism crap out and make me look good to my subjects, okay?

Just in case that doesn’t seem to work, you say,

“Be nice and I won’t send Hillary to do my job for me!”

Then of course, because you are The One, and because they have funneled millions into the back door of your campaign, knowing you are a true touch-hole who actually believes your own bullshit and takes their word as their bond, they say:

“Okay Dude! No problem! Kumbaya!”

Then everybody dances in the street while they wait for Hamas and Osama Bin Laden to arrive and apologize profusely to Jews and all Christians. Ossy promises not to kill any more infidels or even use the word “Infidel” ever again. Everyone forgives him, hugs all around, and Israel volunteers to give up their small patch of Democracy and join everybody back into the 14th century. Barack Obama’s special Election Call Center volunteers over at the Gaza Strip hear the news and cheer, along with the three brothers in the Hamas Compound who donated $30k for Barack Obama T-Shirts.

The One apologizes to India for forgetting to call them after his election, particularly since it was publicized and he is sure Al Queda read it. India promises not to act too modernized in the future so as not to insult anybody in the region. Then they all sing their special anthems and chant their special chants and watch the veil dancers. Several women volunteer to be raped 50 times in honor of their special hand-picked guests from Pakistan, Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Taliban performs a special ceremony whereby they shoot the women in the heads in the presence of all– for Honor. Iran invites everyone for a tour of their nuclear facility. Putin walks up to the Georgians and tells them he wants to learn Democracy and can they teach him and the other KGB people The Way? The One shoots Putin a sideways glance for that. Let’s not go TOO far.

It’s a joyous time for Civilization, which everyone agrees has been over-rated all along.

Then they all throw down their AKs in a huge pile and dance together (men with men, women with women, so as to be politically correct). Everyone invites his enemies over for some nice curried food and any silly women who have not seen The Light are gifted with lovely training burkhas.

Google removes all negative references to the meeting with The One. And they all live happily ever after.

We here in America are so grateful for his wisdom and flawless effectiveness, we declare a Barack Obama Day. No, make that Barack Obama Week. Oh hell, let’s just go for the whole month!

Nobody works during that month either, which is okay since the Government is going to take care of everybody anyhow. We hold a parade every day and nobody gets in any arguments during any of the parades. The American Communist, Socialist and Marxist/Leninist parties each have a float in the parades, with gratitude for their revival from the grave. Everybody holds up DOWN WITH CAPITALISM signs and everyone cheers for the Glorious Cause. Bill Ayers is the guest speaker at the rally after the parade, and Bernardine Dohrn tosses flowers from a basket to all the subjects. Those who cannot attend, such as annoying old people and pesky disabled people who are a drain on society, can view the parades on every channel on their television sets.

After the parade, we all go over to the White House lawn and party. You will need a ticket though. You can get those at President Obama’s web site. There is preferential treatment for Golden Ticket Buyers at $1000–just like at the convention. You get first nibs at the baby back ribs and you may even be allowed to stand in the same air space as The President. Everybody else gets the injured chicken parts, which is good because by this point, nobody can afford chicken either, except the government. Cheap tickets also get a glimpse of Michelle in her latest Target-Inspired fashion. Ludicrous and other lesser rappers perform their best Camelot-Inspired Kill The Bitch music in the background and everybody bounces in tandem to the hip hop while they feast. JFK, Jackie and Pablo Casals would be so proud. Futher back, the Obama family enjoys the steak and lobster while snickering quietly at the subjects and how easy it is to placate them.

Government chickens are GOOD chickens. If you are good, the government will give you a whole chicken of your own! But I digress.

I can do that, it’s my blog.

** Art by our own Freedom Fairy, of course.

These skits come from “Almost Live,” a very popular half-hour comedy that immediately preceded Saturday Night Live, aired and filmed at the Seattle NBC affiliate, KING TV.

Want to see more? ‘kay. You talked me into it.

And now, what’s goin’ on???